I recently read in a local church bulletin these ten rules of respect that were taken from the book "Secrets of Effective Communication" and summarized by Kathy Hellman. She gives these ten rules:
1. If you have a problem with someone, come to them privately.
2. If I have a problem with you, I'll come to you privately.
3. If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me. I'll do the same for you.
4. If someone consistently will not come to me, say "Let's go together. I am sure he/she will see us about this." I'll do the same for you.
5. Be careful how you interpret me. On matters that are unclear, do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts. It is easy to misinterpret intentions.
6. I wlll be careful how I interpet you.
7. If it's confidential, don't tell. If you or anyone comes to me in confidence, I won't tell unless a.) the person is going to harm himself/herself, b.) the person is going to physically harm someone else, or c.) a child has been physically or sexually abused. I expect the same from you.
8. I don't read unsigned letters or notes.
9. I don't manipulate; I will not be manipulated; do not let others manipulate you. Do not let others try to manipulate me through you. I will leave conviction to the Holy Spirit (he does it better anyway).
10. When in doubt, just say it. The only dumb questions are those that don't get asked. The only dumb questions are those that don't get asked.
These can be equally valuable in interacting with believers and unbelievers. - Mary
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