Seeker Small Groups

Ten Rules of Respect

I recently read in a local church bulletin these ten rules of respect that were taken from the book "Secrets of Effective Communication" and summarized by Kathy Hellman. She gives these ten rules:

1. If you have a problem with someone, come to them privately.
2. If I have a problem with you, I'll come to you privately.
3. If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me. I'll do the same for you.
4. If someone consistently will not come to me, say "Let's go together. I am sure he/she will see us about this." I'll do the same for you.
5. Be careful how you interpret me. On matters that are unclear, do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts. It is easy to misinterpret intentions.
6. I wlll be careful how I interpet you.
7. If it's confidential, don't tell. If you or anyone comes to me in confidence, I won't tell unless a.) the person is going to harm himself/herself, b.) the person is going to physically harm someone else, or c.) a child has been physically or sexually abused. I expect the same from you.
8. I don't read unsigned letters or notes.
9. I don't manipulate; I will not be manipulated; do not let others manipulate you. Do not let others try to manipulate me through you. I will leave conviction to the Holy Spirit (he does it better anyway).
10. When in doubt, just say it. The only dumb questions are those that don't get asked. The only dumb questions are those that don't get asked.

These can be equally valuable in interacting with believers and unbelievers. - Mary

Columbo Tactics - Part 2

This is the second part of a post that was recorded on Sept. 14 regarding the Columbo Tactic, "the queen mother of all tactics" in effectively getting someone to think about what they believe about faith related issues. If you haven't read that post, read it first before proceeding with this one. This is another excerpt from apologist Greg Koukl's "Tactics in Defending the Faith."

Koukl says that there are two basic executions of the Columbo tactic:

1. Seemingly bumbling and inept, Columbo style, which involves using a number of phrases to introduce your question, softening your approach in the proces:
- "I'm just curious...."
- "Help me out because I'm trying to understand you on this...."
- "I'm a little confused on something...."
- "Maybe you can clear this up for me...."
- "Something about this thing bothers me...."
- "Maybe I'm missing something....."

2. Confrontational and aggressive, which should be used sparingly and with the important rule of never askiong a question you don't know the answer to. This could help someone dig their own grave on an issue, but it could also dig your own grave on the relationship. Not a good thing! This goes against the 1 Peter 3:15 "gentleness and respect" advice, so be very careful, if you ever use this second execution of the Columbo tactic.

Here's an example of the Columbo tactic that Greg provides with a waitress in Seattle who says she's very supportive of his interest in religion until he begins to act like his religious views were right and others were wrong:

Greg: When it comes to religion, people believe a lot of very foolish things.
Waitress: That's oppressive, not letting people believe what they want to believe.
Greg: Do you think I'm wrong then? (Columbo tactic)
Waitress: No, I'm just trying to understand your view.
Greg: Be honest; admit it. You think I'm wrong. That's OK; it doesn't bother me. If I am not wrong, then why are you correcting me? And if you think I am wrong, why are you oppressing me? (Columbo question)
Waitress (ignoring his question, says): All religions are basically the same after all. (note, she makes claim)
Greg: Oh? In what way? (he's shifting the burden of proof to her)
Waitress: Uh.....
Greg: Judaism teaches Jesus is not the Messiah, and Christianity teaches He is, right? Jesus is either the Messiah or He's not, right? Then either the Jews are right and the Christians are wrong, or the Christians are right and the Jews are wrong. But under no circumstances can they both be right and "basically the same", right?
Waitress (again, ignoring his question): Well, no one can ever know the truth about religion (another claim).
Greg: Why would you ever believe a thing like that? (Columbo question)
Waitress: The Bible's been changed and retranslated so many times over the centuries, you can't trust it. (another claim)
Greg: Oh? How do you know that? Did you study (biblical) textual criticism (a study of biblical texts)? (Columbo question)
Waitress: I feel like you are backing me into a corner..... (maybe it was in the corner of truth?)

This example shows us how to gather information, reverse the burden of proof and exploit a weakness without requiring you to be defensive at all. Thanks Greg Koukl for the work you're doing in Christian apologetics.

Check out another of his tactics called the Suicide Tactic, which is perfect for self-refuting arguments. For example, the phrase "there are no absolutes" is self-refuting. Are you sure? Absolutely. It's these little tools that can help us so much in our everyday conversations with skeptics. - Mary

Columbo Tactics

Lt. Columbo, the main character of a detective show of the same name on television several years ago, always came across as a bumbling, inept, harmless man in search of answers about a crime. Always with a cigar stub in hand, a wrinkled raincoat on his back and looking like he just got out of bed (having slept in the rain coat), Columbo would ask disarming, but carefully selected questions that productively advanced his detective work.

Greg Koukl, one of the speakers at the California Christian Apologetic Conference and the founder of Stand to Reason ministry whose goal is to train Christians to be acpable ambassadors for Christ (2 Cor. 5:20) with knowledge (an accurately informed mind), wisdom (an artful method), and character (an attractive manner), beleives that the Columbo Tactic in evangelism is "the queen mother of all the tactics." He says this:

"The key to the Columbo tactic is that the Christian goes on the offensive in a disarming way with carefully selected questions to productively advance the conversation. If you hit a roadblock when witnessing, ask a good question. There are three basic ways to use the Columbo tactic that can tame the most belligerent critic, each launched by a different question. Three uses, three questions:

1. To gain information and stay out of the "hot seat" - "What do you mean by that?"
2. To reverse the burden of proof - "Now how did you come to that conclusion?"
3. To indirectly exploit a weakness or a flaw in someone's views - "Have you considered...(then finish the sentence by offering an alternative view that gently challenges his/her beliefs, possibly exposing a point of weaknesss you uncovered in the answers to your first two questions. For example, "Have you ever considered that the existence of evil is actually evidence FOR the existence of God, not against it?")

This quote was taken from Greg Koukl's Ambassador Basic Curriculum, "Tactics in Defending the Faith" which can be obtained at his website, www.str.org. We'll talk a little more about the Columbo tactic in the next Blog post where we'll discuss Greg's two basic executions of the Columbo tactic. Is this helpful? - Mary

Be Ready for Surprises

Bruce Stryd, one of our HUNDRED PLUS leaders, sent me an e-mail a few weeks ago that I thought I'd share with you. He has a regular seeker small group that has taken a break for the summer. But he launched another group for these summer months.

Here's what he wrote: "I am running this short term group for our church goers (some of them are seekers). Last night - last session - a man of 65 or so came. He was the only one who showed (I thought we might likely not have anyone) and had originally signed up but not attended. So, I'm ready to go home when I see his truck pull into the lot and think "now what am I gonna do" since he had not been part of the "all important first session."

Ends up we talk about a number of tough questions - some his but more his buddies'. He states he would like to retain all the info so he could answer his buddies' questions and he is showing a heart for their spiritual welfare. So now I'm in a bit of shock thinking "Ken?! Leading a seeker group of old codgers?!" and near the end, I steer the conversation to what a seeker group is and how it works and how the goal is to NOT answer but give insight process a chance. We end the group with him saying he will think and pray about starting his own group and asked me to do the same (for him).

Your leadership of a seeker small group might be impacting more than the spiritual seekers in your group. It might also inspire someone else to lead one too! - Mary

Neighborhood Bible Studies

There's a great organization that has been around since the early 60's called Neighborhood Bible Studies (NBS). According to their website, "To be in a neighborhood Bible study, a person only needs to believe that the Bible is worth studying. For almost forty years, this simple invitation and NBS guides have been reaching seekers from all walks of life." Philosophically, it is similar to Seeker Small Groups, as described in Garry's book of the same title. Both subscribe to the idea that self-discovery (or the Socratic method of asking questions and exploring answers for oneself) is a very effective way for people to seriously examine and evaluate what they believe about God and faith issues. This is in contrast to the didactic method of learning, in which someone is told or taught what to believe rather than discovering it for themselves in the context of a safe and caring small group.

Here are some of the guidelines of a NBS group (that can be found in their literature):
-The objective is to discover the facts, meaning, and application to life of the book of the Bible you are studying.
- The format is informal discussion, not lecture. NBS has a plethora of study guides for most books of the Bible, which provides the questions for the discussion.
- They clearly communicate that "this kind of group is not for experts. If you are an expert, or think you are, resist the urge to let the rest of us know."
- Let the Bible speak for itself: they advise that those that attend should "avoid religious jargon and technical expressions not found in the chapter you are studying."

I'd recommend you check out their website at www.neighborhoodbiblestudy.org for more details. Check out and sign up for their e-help, which provides extremely helpful information regarding seeker small group-related questions and challenges. Their west coast regional director (who lives in San Jose), Fran Goodrich, is the editor of this service and does a GREAT job of providing valuable and wise counsel on important issues. NBS also offers a quarterly newsletter to those that subscribe.

It could be that you begin with the Tough Question series with your seeker small group. Eventually, most people are willing to study the Bible even if they are not sure it is reliable or if they have not decided to believe what is in it. I wish I would have known about NBS a few years ago when we were not sure what good alternatives existed beyond Garry's materials. NBS could become another great resource to consider exploring as you lead your seeker small group for curriculum possibilities, support and encouragement. It's solid in content and approach. You can contact Fran Goodrich for more information at her e-mail address: fgoodrich1536@aol.com. She has been with NBS for the last seventeen years and is a wonderful resource. - Mary

What Do You Call It?

At the Seeker Small Group Conference in Bloomington, Indiana on April 14, 2007, Garry Poole had a playful contest on what to re-name this ministry. Certainly the name "seeker small group" is descriptive of what it is all about. But if the first time I invited people to come to my home to engage in life-changing spiritual conversations, I told them it was called a seeker small group, I would have probably discouraged more than a few people from attending with that name. So I called it a "Tough Questions group." People liked that name because it had relevance to what happened there: we wrestled with tough questions. We were also using the Tough Questions discussion series, which matched nicely with our name.

Over the years, some people in our community would overhear the name and unintentionally (I think) distort the original label for our group, and call it the "tough Christians group!" I guess seriously exploring the tough questions of faith did make us tougher in our faith and/or brought many people into a faith that had been adequately examined. So that alternate moniker wasn't a bad name, and generally brought a few laughs both from inside and outside our group.

I heard a clever name from someone at our March conference that came up with Discover Groups which stems from "DisCoVer" ...
- Discover who Jesus is
- Connect with each other
- Verify if what we've learned is true to life!

Another church up in Sandpoint, Idaho calls their seeker groups, "Starting Point groups," which allows people to start at the beginning in figuring out what they believe about Christianity. Others like skeptic forums, neighborhood Bible studies, tough question forums, seeker Bible studies, Open Table, Open Forums, and Faith Clubs, are all names that have been suggested as possible ways to communicate in a few short words what this is all about. The Indiana contest winner in April was "Common Ground." In checking out many of these names, there are organizations that already exist with these handles.

So what do YOU call it, if you have started a group? If you haven't started one yet, what will you call it? It certainly isn't something that should trip you up and become an obstacle. But the name does communicate something important about what will go on each week. We'd love to know your thoughts. - Mary

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